People Who Won't Transfer Memorials (moved from below to discussion)

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dixie on May 9, 2010 at 4:03pm

"Now that to me is sure a stretch on a 2nd cousin 4 times removed, but you could had wrote him a nice little note"
Actually, Patty, I did write him a nice little note with the explanation that since both of us were about equally distant outside of the 4 generation direct guidelines, I was going to decline the transfer but offered to add any information he wanted to share. His response was to leave a nasty gram on my profile page, slamming me for not transferring when I have XXX memorials and threw out the 'hostage' insult. We expect better manners from a 6-year-old.

"if they won't transfer they get no information from me"
You're more than entitled to retain your research. Just don't expect to receive out of guidelines transfers with that attitude since it is the antithesis of the ultimate goal of FAG.

Also don't accuse others of holding the memorials hostage when you are doing the same thing with the info. You complain about the "ME GOT LOTS" attitude but cannot see your attitude is nearly identical and belies your goal of having accurate information and meaningful tributes.

Here's a little detail you may not realize: some of us wait to see what kind of contributor the transfer requester is. If the requester submits information after the transfer is declined, it shows they are a 'team player' and the transfer might be made at a later date. I do this when the requester has been a FAG member for a very short time (as in mere days). By not submitting the information, you're only shooting yourself in the foot.

Permalink Reply by Patty Wimpsett Killion on May 9, 2010 at 4:59pm

Ewwwwww, I hope all of the people who have had problems getting transfers read this. Some of THEM including Pixie as she said some of us see what kind of contributor the transfer requester is before she would ever think of transferring.
Oh my dear I hope you read what you wrote.
I'm done.
Patty - out

Permalink Reply by Dixie on May 9, 2010 at 5:23pm

Of course I read what I wrote! If the transfer request is "out of quidelines" (not directly related within 4 generations), the transfer is at the discretion of the person who created it. Remember those experiences that have made me become reluctant to transfer?

a.) the newbie attitude the genealogical tertiary purpose of the site should take precedence over the primary purpose;
b.) receiving mass transfer requests ("Would you please transfer all 37 Carter's in this cemetery to me?");
c.) having been lied to about the relationship;
d.) being threatened "If you don't transfer it, I will create my own."
e.) transferring and then the memorial was deleted.
f.) been called a variety of names or accused of "having the wrong agenda".

After a few of those incidences, it is perfectly understandable that some of us want to ensure we're not transferring to someone who abuses the system, such as deleting a transferred memorial just to get the original contributor's name off the memorial.

Look at the number of times you have resorted to name-calling in this discussion (and defended it as "your opinion" then bash others for their opinions) or your admission that it's more important that you control the memorial than to have it be a meaningful tribute with accurate information. Like I said: you're shooting yourself in the foot and have no one to blame but the one you see in the mirror. If you work with other contributors, you'll reap rewards.

Permalink Reply by Patty Wimpsett Killion on May 9, 2010 at 6:45pm

Pixie,
I would like to reach across the website and shake your hand. We have both had a great debate that has lead us right back where we started from. I truly stand behind what I believe and I feel you stand behind what you believe. This is what makes our America great.
May life be good to you my friend.
Patty

Permalink Reply by Susan Jones on May 20, 2010 at 10:49pm

I have to agree with Pixie. Graving is a hobby just as genealogy is, and behind both there has been a lot of time and sometimes money (remember $4.00 a gallon gasoline?) used to get the headstone photos. We do it because we enjoy it and it's a way to help others and preserve some history. I think the site would be so much more enjoyable if the transfers stopped and the numbers were a thing of the past, or maybe could only be seen by the contributor. I remember telling people to duplicate the memorial and I would delete mine. More often than not, the memorials don't have anything new added to them after they are transferred.

People need to realize that those that do have high numbers are bombarded with emails daily. I doubt they had a clue this was going to happen when they became a member 5, 6, 7, etc. years ago.. A contributor with a lot of entries can't really address emails and answer back like they would like to--especially if they have a job and family. It seems it's becoming a tough hobby to have anymore.

Permalink Reply by Delores Mayfair on May 27, 2010 at 11:01am

Very well said and I agree 100%

Permalink Reply by Delores Mayfair on May 27, 2010 at 11:10pm

Pixie, that was so informative that I am saving it for future reference. You must be a very long time member and you have my respect.

Permalink Reply by Dixie on May 28, 2010 at 4:19pm

Thanks, Delores. As you said, there are other sites to display your genealogy; that is not the purpose of Find A Grave, nor will it ever be (according to the site owner himself).

Permalink Reply by Dixie on July 25, 2010 at 9:37am

Stacy, the vast majority of FAG users do add information that is beyond the scope of mere names, dates & burial location. Personally, in the time I've been on FAG, only one contributor has refused to add anything but what was on the marker itself. That is their http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=listFaqs#10
"If a listing or contribution corresponds with only the primary purpose, it has fulfilled its part of Find A Grave's mission and is not required to correspond with the secondary and tertiary purposes. Fulfilling the other two is welcomed, encouraged and deeply appreciated, but as far as Find A Grave's purpose goes, a memorial page isn't lacking if it does not."

FAG has grown beyond the original intention (famous graves only); genealogy has been accommodated.

I completely agree the bottom line is behaving with respect to each other. To me, 'respect' includes accepting "No" is a valid answer. Unfortunately, that's not what I experience when/if I deny a transfer and the responses are neither polite nor respectful.

Permalink Reply by Delores Mayfair on May 27, 2010 at 10:59am

No0t much can be done. Find a grave is NOT set up as a site to display genealogy or to collect all the leaves of the family tree. It is to record cemeteries, pure and simple. Hence it would become simply aother rootsweb.

Suggestion: if you desire to show your vast knowledge of genealogy, it is best not to use this site. Set up your own site, several are available.

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